Making this Mother’s Day Different from the Last

Bereaved Mother's Day

Last year, a wise mom who had gone through her own child loss gave me some helpful advice: don’t go to church on Mother’s Day. On many other days of the year, maybe I would handle my grief well.

But having just lost Hadassah two months before, I would have just broken into pieces during that service. I was spending another Mother’s Day as a mom without a baby to cuddle, and I would need time off to hold onto my wonderful husband and work through the pain.

Last year, I wouldn’t exactly say that we observed Mother’s Day as much as we gave ourselves space for the world to observe it around us. This year, though, what if you and I celebrated the day as we should? Should we always have to feel guilt and sorrow because we’re mothers on Mother’s Day?

Celebrate the Right Way.

So this year, I have a new way of celebrating in mind, and I hope that you’ll think through a way to celebrate too. Whether or not you already have other children, maybe you should think about ways to incorporate your angel mommy-hood into the special day this year.

Maybe it’s different for you, but I think that doing this will help me cherish Mother’s Day rather than dread it, as so many bereaved mothers do. Below, you’ll see my new plans for this Mother’s Day. I hope that these ideas might give you a few of your own and help you find happiness in your motherhood this year.

God Starts the Day.

As with any other pivotal day in my life, I’m starting this Mother’s Day off with God. I think this faith focus will set the tone for the rest of the day and help get any of those rising tears and emotions out of the way early.

Here are some of my ideas for my devotional time:

  • Go to a favorite outdoor spot or local coffee shop.
  • Spend more time than usual in Bible reading and prayer, like 1–2 hours more.
  • Spend the first 10–15 minutes journaling my thoughts and emotions about Mother’s Day. Write it as a prayer to God, asking for strength through the emotional times.
  • Pray for my husband, Kenny, and other struggling moms.
  • Use this devotional time as an emotional outlet so that I can enjoy the rest of the day.

Celebrate as if They’re Here.

Many of us who have lost children may not have any other kids. Even if you do, Mother’s Day can still be difficult without your beloved angel. Still, we don’t have to let this day slip by just because our children are in Heaven.

I talked with Kenny about my thoughts for Mother’s Day, and this open conversation let him know that I want to celebrate. If he plans a surprise of some kind, that’s totally his doing; but I still want to celebrate either way.

If Haven and Hadassah were here, I’m sure that we would have some tradition going. I would sleep in a little and spend the day with my lovely kiddos, maybe going for walks or playing outside. We would probably make a special meal at home or go out to eat, and then I might have gone through baby pictures of the kids.

Even though these precious children are in Heaven, I’m planning to do most of these ideas this year. Here are a few thoughts I have in mind for the day:

  • Sleep in (of course!).
  • Go for a walk.
  • Go out to eat or have a special homemade meal {with Kenny as the cook, I hope 😉 }
  • Look through Haven and Hadassah’s keepsakes and pictures.
  • Watch a chic flick or mommy movie, like Mom’s Night Out or Pride and Prejudice.
  • Eat ice cream!
  • Scrapbook or make a keepsake.

I am the Mommy to Angels.

Because I can never forget the fact that my children are in Heaven, I want to include something in the day that celebrates my time with them. For Kenny and me, this will probably be as simple as visiting Hadassah’s grave.

We like to read a children’s book while we’re there, and we may bring flowers this time too. We also like to “talk” to Haven and Hadassah, sort of catching them up on what has happened since our last visit.

Then, we usually go for a walk on the nearby boardwalk that overlooks the ocean. Occasionally, we have gone to the coffee shop down the road and spent some time relaxing there. I love how peaceful and beautiful the area is, and we enjoy our times there.

The biggest thing that excites me about this Mother’s Day is that we do plan to celebrate. I think you should too, whether you’re a mommy because of a miscarriage, stillbirth, or later child loss.

Celebrating the day could bring you so much comfort and help you feel closer to your child. Besides, you truly did carry this child, and you should celebrate the child’s part in your life, just as any other mom would do.

From the depths of my heart, happy Mother’s Day!

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