Don’t Forget Daddy

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I was recently going through some pictures of Hadassah’s birth, and I always noticed how supportive Kenny was throughout the whole day. When I was in labor, he massaged my back, communicated with family, questioned the nurse, and checked on me every few minutes. He made sure that I was fed and pampered.

When Hadassah was born, he cried and stroked his little girl until she went to Heaven, and he held her for hours afterward at the hospital, tears glistening on his cheeks. I have never seen him cry so much.

Kenny is also supportive in my grieving process every day, even now. He cried with me for many weeks and held me close when I felt depressed. He is my never-changing rock of a husband. I could have never properly dealt with my grief without him.

Sometimes, people focus a lot on helping the mother grieve. But we should remember these strong, loving fathers because they are grieving the loss of their children too.

In fact, sometimes the loss is harder for the father. He has to be a stronghold for his wife, go back to work sooner, and grieve for his child all at the same time. If he cannot deal with his grief properly, his whole family may suffer. That pressure can ruin entire marriages.

I love this poem about grieving fathers that a wonderful angel mommy shared with me:

A Father’s Grief
by Eileen Knight Hagemeister

It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief.
Since “men don’t cry” and “men are strong”
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test.
And field calls and visitors
So that she can get some rest.

They always ask if she’s alright
And what she’s going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
“My friend, how are you?”

He hears her cry in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
And dries her tears and comforts her
But “stays strong” for her sake.

It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.

I encourage you to spend some time with your friend or husband who has lost his child. Ask him how he is doing and if he needs anything. Buy him a good cup of coffee and give him a strong, manly hug. He needs your support too.

by Sarah George

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