My Story: Our Baby’s Funeral

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On Thursday, just three days after Hadassah died, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Black. Never had the color of my clothes meant so much to me. Never had it mirrored my emotions so closely either.

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Rainbow Baby: When to Try Again

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“Do you think you’ll try for a baby soon?” People are hoping for this rainbow baby, the precious child that comes right after losing one.

Now that it’s been six months since Hadassah’s death, this is a common question I get asked. I don’t mind the question actually. I wonder about it myself almost every day.

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My Story: Delivery Day

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“Practice” Contractions

I had been feeling Braxton Hicks for several days now. “Is it normal to get them so early?” I thought. I still had six weeks left. The contractions were coming more frequently too. Sometimes, when I was tapping away on my computer at work, I would stop and breathe through a strong one. Kenny and I had listened attentively in labor class. I knew I shouldn’t have to concentrate so much if my body was just practicing.

Then, one Sunday night, I felt more nauseated than usual. My heart pattered inside me, and my hands shook.

“Maybe I’m just tired. I should probably get some rest.” I asked Kenny to turn off the movie we were watching, and we both trekked to bed.

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When Your Loved Ones Try to Understand your Grief

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Those of us who have gone through the tragedy of losing a child have probably heard a few surprising comments from loved ones. They are trying to understand how you feel, but they might miss the mark sometimes.

I’m writing this article in response to Rhonda O’ Neill’s recent article in Huffington Post. I do understand how certain condolences can sometimes add to someone’s pain. In fact, I have read so many articles about how the grieved have been afflicted that I have started wondering about this topic myself. Do people really offend each other so often?

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What If Your Husband Isn’t There for You?

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I can’t say that I’m writing from experience. I can only imagine the hardship it would be if I couldn’t rely on Kenny when I’m sad. But I know some of you out there do go it alone. I’ve heard some of your stories.

Even I had to grieve alone sometimes when Kenny was at work. Sometimes I think I healed more during those times. I actually had to face my grief head on.

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Losing a Child Unexpectedly

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We were prepared to lose Hadassah.

Kenny and I had 16 weeks to prepare our hearts for Hadassah’s death. I’m not sure if you would call that fortunate or not. But the reality is that we could grieve before it actually happened, meaning we could jump back into real life faster.

Many of your stories happened much more quickly. One minute your baby was giggling with that gummy grin and the next you were walking away from his casket at the funeral.

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My Story: Planning My Baby’s Funeral

wkdro844zfNo mother should have to bury her baby. Even more, she shouldn’t have to plan her baby’s funeral with the little one still wiggling around inside her. It was definitely sobering.

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Quotes to Comfort the Grieving

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I’m not sure why we humans adore good quotes. They’re just words that someone else said. But those quotes empower us somehow. They reach into this world from another era in history, and they guide us.

After Hadassah died, a sweet bereaved mother from Arizona mailed a box to us. It was our comfort box, full of quotes and excerpts of articles about losing a child. I cried when I opened it and read the words so carefully compiled by this fellow angel mommy.

I know it made me cry, but it also soothed me. I found a few that I pray will comfort you as well.

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My Story: the Scary Bleed

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Over the next few days, I was able to work! I still took it easy, walking gingerly to my desk and getting up as little as possible, and I usually worked for one day and started bleeding the next. Although these light bleeds did concern me, I got used to them.

I just really enjoyed working for a few hours! Grinning faces always greeted me as I snail-walked to my desk.

On Friday, I woke up feeling unusually concerned, my stomach churning uneasily. Then, I shifted to my side and felt an ominous gush.

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My Story: Overwhelming Support

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During this difficult trial, Kenny and I never lacked support from our family and friends. From the time we heard that we might lose Hadassah, people started supporting us through prayer and showed concern for each doctor’s visit.

When I sat at home on bed rest, dozens of people delivered us meals. In fact, we were eating meals from loving supporters for about three months straight. One of my closest friends asked to start a prayer chain, and many churches had been praying for us already. My supervisor from work even hired a student to clean my house for a couple of weeks, and several close friends cleaned for me throughout the course of my bed rest.

Friends came to visit sometimes, and I always welcomed the distraction from my grief. One particular visit with our pastor touched us immensely.

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