“Do you think you’ll try for a baby soon?” People are hoping for this rainbow baby, the precious child that comes right after losing one.
Now that it’s been six months since Hadassah’s death, this is a common question I get asked. I don’t mind the question actually. I wonder about it myself almost every day.
The fact is that we tried for a baby for a reason. We wanted a baby. Now, after all the same morning sickness, back pain, doctor’s visits, and labor experience that every other mother goes through, we are still left with arms void of the entire reason we tried for a baby in the first place.
Our Heart’s Turmoil
Kenny and I would squeal at the news of another little one. But with the thought, of course, comes the little guy Fear resting in the back of our minds. When we talk about our rainbow baby, Fear leans over and whispers softly into my ear.
“What if it happens again?” he asks. Then, as if solidifying the anxiety further, Fear says, “After all, it could have been your fault in the first place. The doctors don’t even know why the ectopia cordis developed.”
Some have told me how they waited a fairly long time to try again. They just couldn’t bear the thought of replacing their lost child with a rainbow baby yet. They never wanted to forget their deceased child.
Other times, mothers advised me to fill the void soon. Not that I would actually try to replace my baby’s sweet memory. But having a rainbow baby will just ease the ache a little, they say.
Between our trembling hearts, the little guy Fear, and some mixed motherly advice, Kenny and I had no idea what to do. We felt even more turmoil when my midwife Jenny okayed another pregnancy after just three months. What is the right choice?
A Rainbow Baby
As I kept bringing up this topic over and over again at reflective moments in the past few months, Kenny and I realized we kept coming to the same solution. We just didn’t know for sure if we were ready.
“I think we’re so unsure because God hasn’t given us peace about another one yet,” I said.
We knew we would be ecstatic, but what if something did happen to the baby again? Could our hearts really take a third loss at this point?
We quickly realized the best solution for our family. We would wait and pray for God’s peace in our lives about our rainbow baby. The best solutions always come through His guidance.
I recommend for any bereaved mother out there to seek Him before they take the next step. If you wait for God’s overwhelming peace and satisfaction in your decision, your next baby will truly be the majestic rainbow after a terrible storm.
by Sarah George