During this difficult trial, Kenny and I never lacked support from our family and friends. From the time we heard that we might lose Hadassah, people started supporting us through prayer and showed concern for each doctor’s visit.
When I sat at home on bed rest, dozens of people delivered us meals. In fact, we were eating meals from loving supporters for about three months straight. One of my closest friends asked to start a prayer chain, and many churches had been praying for us already. My supervisor from work even hired a student to clean my house for a couple of weeks, and several close friends cleaned for me throughout the course of my bed rest.
Friends came to visit sometimes, and I always welcomed the distraction from my grief. One particular visit with our pastor touched us immensely.
“How are you doing?” Pastor looked directly at me.
“I’m doing all right.” My answer was not quite as cheerful as usual for me.
“I understand that you have a difficult situation going on,” Pastor said when we had gotten through with the formalities. We agreed solemnly. “It was brought to my attention recently. I just got a phone call from our visitation director while I was sitting in my office one day, and he talked about your situation as if I already knew about it. I said I didn’t know what we were talking about. After spending some time learning what was happening, my heart just went out to you. I cannot even begin to imagine what you might be feeling right now.”
Kenny and I just nodded the whole time. I didn’t know what else to say.
“I can’t say that I know what you’re going through, but I can empathize.” Pastor paused here as if noting the gravity of our discussion. “I do want you to understand, though, that God is not doing this to you. I know people feel that way in difficult trials sometimes. You might be asking Him “why me?” But He is not causing this evil to happen to you. Sometimes, the natural events of this sin-cursed world just take over.”
I stopped nodding. What an interesting statement! I struggled with the question “why me” often. Yet it was true that God loved me and would not exact vengeance on me for no reason. He was also showing Himself mighty through others despite the grief.
“You have felt that way?” Kenny raised his eyebrows when I told him about my struggle after Pastor and his wife left.
“Yeah. But tonight was a great reminder about our God. Sometimes these bad things just happen, even to good people.” This moment was not the last time I ever struggled with God’s decision to allow my baby’s death, but it certainly was the beginning of my understanding it.
by Sarah George