What If Your Husband Isn’t There for You?


I can’t say that I’m writing from experience. I can only imagine the hardship it would be if I couldn’t rely on Kenny when I’m sad. But I know some of you out there do go it alone. I’ve heard some of your stories.

Even I had to grieve alone sometimes when Kenny was at work. Sometimes I think I healed more during those times. I actually had to face my grief head on.

You might be fuming at your husband because he’s not helping anything. It’s easy to point fingers right now when you’re so emotional. Maybe he’s even saying some insensitive things about the baby.

Try giving him some space. No, I don’t mean that you should throw him a cold shoulder. You’ll need to find another way to deal with your grief, or you’ll just make things worse for both of you.

Reach out to friends.

I know that talking to a friend down the street is not the same as reaching for your husband’s hand across the table, but you do need someone. Don’t let yourself despair just because your spouse can’t handle this emotional time.

Honestly, even if your husband does support you and comfort you during your grief, I think you should still lean on other people sometimes. Your husband is going through the exact same situation you are. You can’t expect him to be strong all the time.

Find a counselor.

The best counselors won’t talk down to you or harp on all your negative feelings. Instead, they should open a Bible and comfort you with Scripture. They should provide outlets for you to channel your grief and target any actions you’ve been taking that might harm your grieving process.

I know that some people have awful experiences with counselors. They’re not for everyone. But especially if you’re grieving without your husband’s support, a counselor might be just what you need. They may even convince your husband to come too.

Join a grief support group.

I found it really helpful to talk to other grieving mothers. In a support group, you can talk about how you’re feeling. You don’t have to spell out your life. Just share your grief with the other moms going through similar trials. I felt less alone when I talked with them, and that’s important if you aren’t getting help from your husband.

Find relief in God.

I don’t think I’ll ever stress this one enough. While you and your husband struggle through the next few moments of each day, breathe God and prayer through the whole time. Only God can give true peace about your child’s death.

If you don’t think He should be part of your comfort, read how God helped me through my grief. I don’t know how others live through grief without Him.

If you do know God, pray. Oh, don’t think for a second that I didn’t pray a few angry prayers. But the point was that I was praying, and God later showed me part of His purpose in losing Haven and Hadassah.

My heart aches for you who may have just lost your children. I pray that you are getting overwhelming support from friends and family, especially your husband. Hang in there.

by Sarah George

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